I'm Not a Celebrity.I Am A Muslim by Sahera Patel

I was offered the chance to read Sahera Patel's book through my Lotus Flower Book Club page on Facebook. She kindly sent me a copy through the post and although it has taken me a little while to make a start, once I opened the book I read it in a couple of days. I have a personal interest in memoir, so much so that when I was pursuing my PhD I focused solely on memoirs of disability. I love to read about the author's life journey and share their inner world. Although many memoirs I have read touched on spirituality in some form, I was surprised when I realised I had never read an autobiography that focused on Islam and what being a Muslim means.

Patel's memoir starts with her father's terminal illness and this thread runs throughout as she shares with the reader her own life growing up to be a young British Muslim woman. She cleverly anchors the book with tenets of her faith that I found both informative and inspirational. She grows up in the wake of her parent's emigration from India and their resilience when reality hit that life in Britain was not as they expected. The author's raw honesty as she describes the domestic violence she and her siblings witnessed is breathtaking. They become attuned to the moods of their father who is disappointed with what Britain has to offer him. He struggles with the responsibilities placed upon him by the wider family back home who believe that everyone in Britain has money. This pressure intensifies as his own family grows and his escape is gambling. Patel describes poker nights at their home, where there is smoking, drinking and her father losing housekeeping money which only exacerbates their problems. All of this destructive behaviour is not only against his faith, but makes the family's money worries so much worse. They are in a vicious circle, culminating in outbursts of verbal abuse, damaging property and eventually physical violence. The children can sense what is coming and try to divert their father, or take their mother out of his sight line to prevent attacks. The sense of walking on eggshells comes across strongly, as does the sibling's heightened awareness of both their father and their mother's seeming inability to know when trouble is brewing. I strongly felt the sense of isolation; that they cannot tell anyone what is going on, but try to cope with it alone.

Despite, or perhaps because of this difficult family experience Patel's maturity and humanity shine through on every page of this memoir. She recognises that for some people this might be the first time they get to see the world through the eyes of a British Muslim and her explanations of certain customs or rituals are always engaging and often informative, helped by excerpts from The Koran. Her faith sustains her throughout her life, perhaps because it is constant and therefore provides a contentment not present in her earlier life. The compassionate way she is able to love and forgive is highly inspirational to me. She writes that in Islam it is not permitted to expose a fellow Muslim's sin and that she had to reflect deeply upon her feelings for her father. The soul searching exposes a dilemma between wanting to remain true to her faith and respect the man she knows is dying. However, there is also a personal spiritual need emerging, that of catharsis and truth. Patel decides to portray her childhood truthfully with bravery and with a spiritual honesty that is heart rending.

I thoroughly enjoyed the section where Patel starts the process of looking for a husband; an introduction is made and she has the option to agree to a courtship or not. The description of the tiny bedroom where potential suitors are sent up to be 'vetted' is comical. Patel clarifies the process of 'arranged marriage' showing that she has the power all along and also the importance of looking for compatibility in a life partner as well as that spark of attraction. I was also fascinated by the description of their eventual pilgrimage to Mecca where both their spiritual and physical strength is tested to the limit.

I took so much away from this book: a new understanding of Islam and the clarification of traditional customs that I thought I knew about; an incredible example of love and loyalty within a family despite the pain and hurt caused over the years; but most of all an impression of a young woman with a quiet strength - comfortable and content with herself and her choices, as well as the enduring faith which sustains her. I felt honoured to share such an intimate and honest journey of self-reflection.

Reading Alice Hoffman's Blue Diary

I have always loved reading Alice Hoffman. I discovered her about six years ago through Jodi Picoult, who counts Hoffman as her favourite author. I read everything she'd written in one summer and loved the mix of human relationships with a touch of magic. Her most famous novel is probably 'Practical Magic' turned into a slightly unsuccessful film starring Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock. I think her most recent novels 'The Dovekeepers' and 'The Museum of Extraordinary Things' are her best work, but Blue Diary is one I've re-read several times. I take something new from it every time and it tied beautifully in with something we'd been discussing as a group; do we ever really know the person we live with?

Hoffman's novel starts on a beautifully idyllic morning where we find Jorie and her husband Ethan staying in bed rather than going to work. They have been married for 13 years,but are still hopelessly in love. On this beautiful morning where the sun is shining, flowers are blooming and birds are singing this couple go back to bed and reaffirm their love. Ever since they met in a bar they have been together, and have had a son called Collie. Ethan is a pillar of his community - he is a contractor with a very busy workload, trusted with the keys of his neighbours and even coaches kid's baseball in his spare time. Hoffman's descriptions of these two characters are so flowery and dream-like that some of our readers knew that something was going to happen to shatter this illusion. Nobody's life is that perfect and one reader commented that they were already making her sick a few pages in!

The idyll is soon shattered by a knock at the door and in the following silence Jorie drops her coffee cup to the floor as she senses that everything is about to change. Someone has recognised Ethan from his other life, the life before he met Jorie and turned his life around. In that life he was a heartless man with no moral compass. He was a juvenile delinquent with a devilishly handsome face. Women loved him and he left home to live with his mother's friend. The relationship was abusive and when he'd taken all of her money he left to find something new. Sadly for one girl he stopped over in her home town. Rachael Morris worked in the general store, she lived on a farm and had a horse, she was fifteen years old. Ethan, or Byron Bell as he was called then, convinced her to close the store and go swimming with him one afternoon. She takes him to Hell's Pond and as they part he asks her if he can visit that night. He tells her he will  drive to the farm after dark and flash his lights, but when he gets there Rachel doesn't appear. Byron is affronted by this,He felt she promised him something and he is going to get it. He climbs into the window, and climbs into her bed. Rachael is fast asleep but when she wakes, she fights him like a wildcat, but Byron rapes her and to keep her quiet he bangs her head against the wall. Afterwards, he wonders why there is so much blood - surely she was 18 and not a virgin - but the blood is also on her head and on the wall and he realises she is dead.

Collie's friend Kat suspected something was wrong with Ethan and didn't like to be alone with him. She notices he has no reflection and the readers thought that was an odd detail that had thrown them off. One or two wondered if he was a vampire! She sees a late night show about unsolved crimes and recognises Ethan as Byron, then reports him to the authorities. Kat is torn between her love for her friend Collie and doing the right thing. Ethan's arrest is shown to devastate Jorie and Collie, but also wider family and the whole community. We talked openly about our experience of murder and how it affects people; one or two of us had experience of the murder of a friend, or a school friend who committed crime that left them shocked and confused. In the book, Ethan's co-worker Mark Derry doesn't know what to think. He goes off the rails for a couple of days and then decides to defend Ethan, by organising a campaign with rallies to raise money for his defence. His thinking is that Ethan can't be guilty, but then as he confesses to Jorie, Mark decides that his good work in the town atones for what he did in his past. Ethan keeps repeating that he is not the same person as he was then.

This led to an interesting discussion about atonement and whether people can truly change. Some members felt people can change and have their lives turned around. We talked about cases where this had actually happened and eventual sentences were more lenient because they'd taken into account this change. Some of our readers believed in redemption, but others were more skeptical.I felt he had atoned to the wrong people, because as we saw later in the book another community had been devastated by his crime.

Jorie doesn't know what to think. She distances herself from Ethan straight away, only visiting the jail infrequently, and concentrating on Collie. With no money coming in, Jorie has to put the house up for sale and move in with her mother. She feels that the person she was in love with was a mirage. She can't connect with him any more. People are shocked by how little she is supporting him, but for some of our readers this is where Ethan reverts to type. Kat's sister Rosarie starts to take an interest in him, and puts on her make-up to visit the jail. There are rumours of flirting and Kat is worried that her sister is about to make a big mistake. Jorie feels the only way she can decide is by visiting Rachael's home town, so she makes a road trip. She uses the local library to read about the case and meets Rachael's childhood friend. She agrees to ring Rachael's brother and asks him to meet with Jorie and surprisingly he agrees.

Jorie and James have a kinship that comes from both being victims of the same man. The farm is remote, and James is clearly a man used to living alone after the death of his parents. He reveals that he found the bloody clothes that Ethan left in the field after his crime, as he changed outfits with the scarecrow. He ran back to the house and raised the alarm. James takes Jorie up to Rachael's room which has never been changed since her death. With Jorie the reader takes in the cuddly toys, the posters, and the framed photos of Rachael riding and with friends. This is a little girl's room and when James talks about trying to scrub the bloodstain from the wall behind the bed, Ethan's crime really comes home to the reader. Some readers had picked up that Ethan was drunk, confused and thought Rachael was older than she was. Others felt that he had been sober enough to drive and climb up into a window without accident, so why was he too drunk to see the stuffed animals and posters? It was felt that he was a man intent on getting what he wanted and to hell with everyone else.

Our discussions showed us how a town would be torn apart because similar arguments would be going on at every dinner table. We all felt that we would struggle to stay with a partner if this happened, and shared experiences we'd had where someone was not what they seemed. We all enjoyed the book and Hoffman's writing, and enjoyed how she explored these complex relationships. The dilemma creates so much discussion and led us all to think about how we take people on trust and what we would want to know about a partner before we started a relationship. The truth is we have to continue taking people on trust to create partnerships and friendships and none of us would do differently to Jorie who met the man of her dreams in that bar.

Books for 2015

There are so many great books to come out in 2015, but here are just a few I'm looking forward to trying.

The Possibilities by Kaui Hart Hemmings – author of The Descendants and a tale of love and loss. Sarah has lost her son Cully in an accident and feels the need for some space. Then the opposite happens as she has to deal with Cully’s father (her ex), her own father and her best friend coming back into her life. Then she meets Kit which uproots her plan even further.

The Woman in the Green Coat by Katie Ward – a novel about suffragette Lady Bulwar-Lytton is from a fascinating period in history from the writer of Girl Reading.

God Help the Child by Toni Morrison – even though I have no idea what this book is about I know I will enjoy anything from Morrison.

Collected Stevie Smith – I have loved Stevie Smith from childhood, because I loved her humour. Now I enjoy even more her mix of death, humour and weird black comedy.

All the Rage by Courtney Summers – explores the aftermath of sexual violence in a town where nobody believes a girl from the wrong side of the tracks. After losing friends and family Romy Grey seeks refuge in a new job in a diner where nobody knows that happened to her. Yet, when another girl is attacked she has to decide whether she stands up and fights.

The Girl in the Photograph by Kate O’Riordan – this is set in the 1890s and the 1930s and follows two women whose lives are intertwined by fate. Alice comes to Fiercecombe Manor because she needs a sanctuary. She feels safe in the care of housekeeper Mrs Jelphs, but then secrets begin to emerge. Is there something Alice is not being told? She finds traces of Elizabeth, the previous occupant, and finds that their lives are remarkably similar.

The Uninvited by Cat Winters – Ivy Rowan wakes from bed after being struck by the Great Influenza epidemic of 1918. She is 25 and she has a strange ability – she sees the uninvited ones, ghosts of long dead family and friends that always herald the coming death of a loved one. The last vision foretold the death of her brother in WWI and now she sees them again. Society has changed and Ivy leaves home and is caught up in the Jazz Age, but why do the uninvited guests keep coming and who will she lose next?

First Frost by Sarah Addison Allen – I keep being told I should try this author so this is the year! In this novel we follow the Waverley family. Clare is caught between her sweet business and family life, while Sydney is so desperate to have another baby that her need starts to steal the joy from everyday life. Her daughter, Bay, is in unrequited love with a boy who doesn’t notice she exists. Then a stranger comes into their lives and asks questions of them all that they struggle to answer and keep their family together.

The Undertaker’s Daughter by Kate Mayfield – Kate Mayfield’s family home was the local undertaker’s in a tale of Southern mystique and ghosts. Kate’s father was one of two morticians in Kentucky in the 1960’s. All kinds of deaths passed through their home, but how does living in a house of the dead teach you to deal with life?

A God in Ruins by Kate Atkinson – Life after Life has been one of my favourite books of the last couple of years, and this follow up novel concentrates on the brother from the first book. Teddy is Ursula’s beloved younger brother and has been an RAF bomber pilot, poet and now husband and father. We follow him as he progresses through the 20^th Century, and after surviving battle he has to prepare to live in a future he didn’t expect to have. I always love her novels so I’m sure this will be a great read.

My Best Reads of 2014

One of the most exciting things about my first 6 months as Lotus Flower Book Club, has been all of the new books that have come my way. I set a target with Goodreads at the beginning of the year to read 150 books and I am 8 books away from my target. This was helped along by the reading I do for university, but also because this was a great year for reading. After completing the decisions on website and logo I started taking orders in June. An unexpected bonus of using social media for the business has been the offer of writing work; I am now writing reviews on new books and blogs on the experience of reading. Sometimes, I even get pre-publication copies through the post, so I look forward to the postman arriving! So, out of all the books I’ve read this year here are my best reads of the year.

Bellman and Black by Diane Setterfield  

Diane Setterfield’s second novel is an unsettling tale of a young boy, William Bellman, who designs a catapult to impress his friends. On a sunny day they compare designs and William wagers he can hit a rook in the next field and to their enormous surprise he does. As they examine the dead bird they notice the colour of the feathers and how the light hits the black creating green and purple highlights. It becomes a thing of wonder to them, but as William walks home later in the dusk he becomes unnerved by the sight of a boy in black in the same field. Years later Bellman is a very successful man through developing the local mill and has made a good marriage to Rose. The couple have many children and to those who know them, Bellman seems to live under a blessing.  Yet strange things start to happen around him. His uncle, the mill owner, dies leaving him in charge. Then his childhood friend dies and Bellman starts to wonder about the strange man in black he sees at the funerals. Why can he never recall his face properly and what does he want? This is a great thrilling ghost story, with increasing tension written into every chapter. I recommend this for curling up in front of a fire with one winter evening.

ISBN: 9781476711959    Publisher: Random House

The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton

A brilliant debut novel set in 17^th Century Amsterdam where wealth and stifling religion go hand in hand. Country girl Nella Oortman arrives as the new bride of wealthy merchant Johannes Brandt. Nella is intimidated by Johannes sister Marin and the secrets of the huge townhouse that is now her home. Johannes is never at home, but he sends his new wife the gift of a cabinet house; the house is a complete replica of their own and Nella finds a miniaturist to make some special pieces for the best rooms. However, the miniaturist seems to have an agenda of her own and sends Nella mysterious pieces she didn’t order, pieces which could explain to her the secrets of the Brandt household. Despite appearing to be respectable members of society, the Brandt siblings have secret lives that they must keep concealed or lose everything. Burton’s great skill is to combine the historical detail with a surprising revelations and an awful lot of suspense. How does the miniaturist knows their greatest secrets but is she a benevolent observer or will she bring their reputation and even their lives to the brink of destruction. This is an intelligent read that becomes a real page turner as we long to solve the mystery and know the fates of the all the characters.

ISBN: 9780062306814  Publisher: Ecco 

Meeting Jessie Burton author of The Miniaturist

A Song for Issy Bradley by Carys Brady

This is a beautifully observed debut novel about the deeply religious Bradley family coming to terms with the loss of Issy who was the youngest member of their family. Taking each family member in turn the book explores their grief in both a moving and humorous way. Father, Ian Bradley is a Mormon bishop who trusts in his faith and is sure everything will turn out right. His wife Claire is less trusting, and needs a sign to help her carry on or at least a pause button till she is ready to re-join the world. Meanwhile their remaining children flounder; Zippy is distracted with first love, while Al has more time for football than the church, and Jacob has more faith than all of them put together and feels the responsibility of keeping his fractured family together. In the church, family is of the utmost importance and this book explores what happens when a family of faith has their world broken apart. Always poignant, the book can be incredibly funny, especially where the children’s understanding of their faith is explored. This is a great book for anyone interested in family relationships and reactions to trauma.

ISBN: 9780553390889  Publisher: Ballantine Books

Burial Rites by Hannah Kent

Another debut novel, this book is set in 19^th Century Iceland and is based in its bleak landscape. The book tells the story of Agnes, a servant who is found guilty of the murder of her former master and stays on an isolated farm awaiting execution. Agnes’s story is told in flashback as she recounts it to the priest sent to prepare her for her upcoming execution. Toti is the priest willing to try and understand her, despite the suspicion of the farmer’s wife and daughters; they belief the official version of the events and are very reluctant to keep a murderer in their home. However, as the weather turns even worse and they are confined to their small cottage, the women begin to hear a different version of the truth as they overhear Agnes’s story. The book reminds us that everyone has a right to have their story heard and although Agnes is still executed, it is hard to put down because you want to know her part in the murders. Just as the family do, we become drawn in by her tale, but which version is the truth?

ISBN: 9780316243919  Publisher: Little, Brown and Company

Spare Brides by Adele Parks

This novel starts on New Year’s Eve 1920 and four friends reflect on the recent end of the Great War, and the new decade to come. There is an air of novelty about this new decade, full of promise and possibility. However, the war casts a long shadow, especially for Sarah who paid the ultimate price in the loss of her husband and for Lydia who can only feel her husband’s cowardice as he stayed behind in a desk job. There are so many women for so few men so it seems that to catch a husband one must be both beautiful and wealthy, but Beatrice is neither and seems destined to stay a spinster. Finally there is Ava, who is both beautiful and wealthy but feels restricted by her marriage now that her husband is home. An incredibly handsome officer comes into their midst, but he is haunted by his war experiences. Once the women encounter him it can only lead to more changes in their lives and everyone around them. This novel is the one of the first I read this year about this period of history and shows how the war broke apart the class structure and gender roles that had been entrenched for centuries.

ISBN: 9781472205391  Publisher: Headline

The Museum of Extraordinary Things by Alice Hoffman

Set in New York City in the stormy first decades of the twentieth century, Alice Hoffman’s latest book is a love story set between two very different people. Coralie Sardie is the daughter of a Coney Island freak show owner and is made to perform in his museum because she has webbed fingers. He creates a water tank and a tail and she performs as a mermaid by day, while in the early morning he trains her to swim in the Hudson River to create the story of a river monster. One morning, she swims off course and climbs out of the river where the city meets forest and she accidentally meets Eddie Cohen. Eddie is a photographer who has run away from his father’s Russian Orthodox community and his job as an apprentice tailor. The two have an instant connection, but Eddie is embroiled in the mystery of a girl who went missing during the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire and Coralie is kept almost prisoner by her father, and his requests of her become more disturbing. This is a magical story set in an incredible world of Wolf Men, Butterfly Girls and ancient turtles. Despite the engaging love story at its centre, the star of this novel is the developing city of New York in all its wonder.

ISBN: 9781451693560  Publisher: Scribner

How to Build a Girl by Caitlin Moran

This novel is really a slightly disguised autobiography of Moran’s first years as a writer for a music magazine in the 1990’s. Johanna Morrigan is an intelligent, but uninteresting teenager who is a social recluse and makes a fool of herself on local television. Using all her experience of writers from Jo March to the Brontes, Johanna decides she will save her poor family through writing. She reinvents herself as Dolly Wilde – music reviewer and Lade Sex Adventurer. For someone who grew up in the 90s this is a hilarious romp where Dolly does all the things I wish I’d done – she sleeps with sexy band members, drinks, smokes and rips crap bands apart in 600 words. I spent half the time laughing, and the other half trying to work out who the band members really were. Moran captures all the awkwardness of being sixteen, poor, and a little bit fat. This book is glorious.

ISBN: 9780062335999  Publisher: Harper

The Missing One by Lucy Atkins

Kali Mackenzie has had a difficult relationship with her mother and after her death there are so many unanswered questions. As she clears out her mother’s things she finds a series of postcards from a woman called Susannah and they all say ‘thinking of you’. Kali has never heard of this woman and in a desperate attempt to find out about her mother’s life she decides to take a trip to British Columbia and visit this woman. The remote island where she lives is known for storms and killer whales and Kali finds out that her mother studied these creatures back in the 1970s. Susannah is an enigmatic person and she doesn’t give up her secrets easily, but is she slightly too interested in Kali’s son Finn and why is her behaviour becoming erratic? This is a great story of a relationship between mother and daughter and how keeping secrets, even to protect our children, can sometimes be the most dangerous thing to do.

ISBN: 9781848663206  Publisher: Quercus

The Paying Guests by Sarah Waters

This is the second book about post WW1 that I read this year and from one of my favourite authors who never disappoints me. Set in 1922, Frances and her mother live in a villa in Camberwell, South London. This has previously been a genteel area and the Wrays have been used to house filled with a husband, and a brother, plus a few servants. Now entirely alone and still struggling with their bereavements and lowered circumstances, they feel the need to take in lodgers in order to keep their home. Their new tenants, Lilian and Leonard Barber are from the new ‘clerk class’ and will shake up their lives more than they ever imagined. Frances and Lillian have an instant connection, but Frances has given up a potential relationship in the past in order to stay with her mother. Waters explores all the rules of the pre-war society and how they have been dismantled by war. Women who have worked through the war no longer want to return to the home sphere, and the classes move more freely together than ever before. This is both a love story and a thriller, with the wonderfully rich backdrop of a country in mourning and all the upheaval of social change.

ISBN: 9781594633119      Publisher: Riverhead Hardcover

Wake by Anna Hope

This is another book set where society is hovering between the days of Empire and Modernism. Wake set against the backdrop of an unknown soldier being returned from Northern France to be buried at Westminster Abbey. It follows three very different women dealing with the changes WWI has wrought in their lives. Hettie is a dancer for sixpence at the Hammersmith Palais; Evelyn is a civil servant in the pension’s office; Ada is a housewife who is unable to move on after the death of her son and sees vision of him, but when a visitor arrives at her door with a war mystery it binds all of them together. Set over five days in the year 1920, the mystery slowly unravels towards the day the Unknown Soldier arrives to crowds of people in London. This novel has beautiful period detail and captures that feeling of being on the brink of a new era.

ISBN: 9780857521941  Publisher: Doubleday 

The Final Testimony of Raphael Ignatius Pheonix by Paul Sussman

This is an excellent novel ; a dark, funny and utterly delightful look at the Twentieth Century through one man’s eyes. I saw the cover and simply knew it was for me. Raphael Ignatius Phoenix lives alone in an isolated castle by the sea as the millennium draws near. Born in 1900, he is determined to die on the eve of the new millennium and to help him he has a mysterious pill. However, before he ends it he feels a need to get his affairs in order and write down his incredible history. Using the walls of the castle as his manuscript he begins to write an extraordinary personal history, but wonders how to structure his story. Starting with his first adventure with his mysterious friend Emily, he then splits his life into chapters and each chapter is structured around one of his ten murders. Despite his murderous nature, Raphael is an excellent storyteller and it is hard not to enjoy his riotous and unusual gift for weaving a story. Quirky and darkly humorous.

ISBN: 9780857522184      Publisher: Doubleday

So, a wonderful year of reading with some surprises and some interesting themes that occurred unconsciously such as post WWI novels. I feel like I was given a gift every time I discovered a new novel or author. There are just as many book I discovered in 2014 that were published earlier such as The Girl With The Glass Feet by Ali Shaw or Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs. I am looking forward to a new year of discovery and possibility. Happy New Year and Happy Reading!

Reading The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

Reading The Night Circus

I had read the book a couple of years ago and it was one of those novels where I was completely sucked in by the cover. A stylish mix of black and white with flashes of red made it eye catching. The paper cut technique gave the feel of Victorian silhouettes and the promise of magic sealed the deal for me. There is nothing I like more than a mix of Victorians and magic. I fell in love with this book from the first illusion and I thought it would be a treat for my book group as we came back together in the Autumn. I re-read the book to prepare, but also checked out some online reviews to see how other people felt about the book. I was taken aback to see one star reviews and then started to worry that my ladies wouldn't feel the same as I did. Maybe I was the only one to have fallen under its spell!

I needn't have worried. Despite the online reviews giving the impression of the book as a sort of literary Marmite, the group wholeheartedly welcomed the enchantment. So we started the lovely evening with a discussion about those reactions. First of all there were criticisms of the structure of the novel online with some readers feeling it was so disjointed it was difficult to follow. My readers didn't feel that way. The novel shifts in time and perspective with some sections following Bailey or Heir Theissen as they fall in love with the circus and become reveurs. Other parts go back in time and follow Celia and Marco as they are bound together by their mentor’s magic but also pitted against each other in a competition with the circus as a venue for their exhibition of magic. There were also short sections that describe a room or act at the circus that address the reader directly and take them on a journey as if they are experiencing the circus first hand. Some readers felt that this structure took some serious concentration and sometimes having to go back a few pages to make sure they had just read what they thought they had. In this way the book works like a magic trick; the author has revealed something just enough for you to wonder, but not enough for you to see how it was done. The structure also shows exactly how many people become drawn in to the circus and how it becomes a ripple effect.

We then talked about which illusions were our favourites. The clock had made a huge impression on readers with most of us saying how much we wanted one. It was an incredible piece of description that defied belief with the incredible juggler who juggles an extra ball every hour. It was pointed out that this was more of a feat of engineering than of magic and we went on to discuss how the ‘real’ parts of the circus add to the illusion that there are ‘tricks’ instead of real magic. The carousel is real but Celia adds a tiny bit of magic leaving visitors wondering how it is done. Other readers loved the room made from ice, with the frosted trees but also the wishing tree where wishes were representing by the lighting of a candle. This made me think of a tree installation I saw in NYC by Yoko Ono where people wrote their wishes on a luggage label and tied it to a branch. Readers were dazzled by the incredible descriptions of illusions and the performer’s clothes. Celia’s ability to change the colour of her dress was noted, as well as Madame Padva’s real creations worn by all the women. The parties given by Chandresh where the circus is first discussed were the sort of parties you want to go to; an incredible mix of beautiful and interesting guests, spectacular clothes and food, followed by interesting talk and entertainment.

Re-readers were surprised by how dark they found the novel on a second reading. Celia’s father particularly was harsh in his training and his attitude towards her as a project rather than a daughter. He shows her no warmth or love. Furthermore, the methods of training her are painful and sadistic. For a start the ring that binds her to her opponent is burned into her finger with searing pain. Then when teaching to break things and put them back together he cuts her fingers till they bleed again and again until she can heal then. On one occasion he breaks her hand and it takes her a long time to heal the broken bones. His need to win the competition overrides his daughter’s happiness and it is only later in the novel that Celia fully understands the challenge and what it means for both winner and loser. She has no idea that there have been other opponents before her until the contortionist Tsukiko reveals that she has completed the challenge long ago and she is alive because she was the winner. She lowers her kimono and reveals her ring burned into the skin of her collar bone. Celia knows then that whether she or Marco gains the upper hand, nobody will win.

Despite the dark undertones, that build as the novel moves along, most readers came away with a sense of awe and wonder. Despite negative reviews about the sheer amount of description in the novel all of my readers luxuriated in it, rather than worrying that the story was being slowed down. The structure is like visiting the circus; you have a destination in mind, but keep getting tempted into other tents where what you see makes you want to stay. Just as Bailey keeps finding new parts of the circus despite his familiarity the novel keeps revealing a new layer that you didn’t know was there. One reader commented on the circus being like a Tardis – at one point the twins take Bailey upstairs and you realise there are levels as well as all the side streets and unexplored alley ways. When the readers thought of the circus they were imagining a particular size surrounded by gates but once you get inside its much larger. There were also comments of the fact that the circus repels those who shouldn't be there. No one can get inside when it is closed, yet Bailey can slip through the bars unnoticed. We then discussed the circus as a living, breathing entity of its own. Even though it has been set up by the group meeting for dinner, with underlying purpose of hosting the challenge, the circus lives. Somehow it knows that it needs Bailey to ensure its future and it bends the rules so he can meet his destiny in Poppet.

The love story was discussed with many different ideas put forward. One reader felt like the rings burned into Celia and Marco’s wedding finger sealed their destiny – not just in relation to the challenge but as lovers. It was like an arranged marriage where they have been betrothed from birth and nothing they do in the meantime matters. The love connection is so strong that Marco’s existing relationship with Isabel doesn't stand a chance; even she can see that their love is inevitable. Another reader wondered if it was the fact that the ring was on their fingers that meant they fell in love, but then later it became clear that Tsukiko felt the same way about her opponent. It is only then that Celia realises that the object of the challenge is not to test their skill but their stamina. The illusions themselves don’t matter, as long as one of them outlasts and outlives the other. Ironically it is Celia’s father’s invisible state that gives her the hint of an idea that might change the outcome of the challenge. What if she and Marco become like him, invisible and living within the confines of the circus? One reader described them as in another dimension, while another calls them ghosts haunting the circus forever. Their ability to be free and be together overcomes the confines of the challenge completely but we are not sure whether her father will learn his lesson or whether he will simply find a new subject for his training. Now that Marco’s mentor has proved he could take an orphan off the street and teach him there are no barriers to the challenge carrying on indefinitely. We finally discussed other books that readers might enjoy such as Jonathon Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke or The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton.

Reading The Final Testimony of Raphael Ignatius Phoenix

Something very strange happened while I was reading Paul Sussman’s book. I was up at night feeling unwell and made it half way without even taking a break. I had never read any of his books so as far as I knew this could have been a debut novel or one of hundreds. I launch straight into books without reading introductions, forewords or acknowledgements because I don’t like to be swayed by them. I don’t want someone else to tell me how to read a book, or in what context; I like to make up my own mind. I must admit on this occasion I was drawn in by the cover, but beyond that and the back cover blurb I knew nothing.

I realised half way through that I was reading with a smile on my face, despite feeling physically grotty! It made me smile because of the dark subject matter, the humour and sheer ingenuity of Raphael. I put it to one side and thought ‘I really wish my husband Jez had been around so I could read this to him’. He died 7 years ago and prior to his death he couldn'tJez himself. This is one of those books. I then turned to the foreword and noticed it was written by Paul Sussman’s wife Alicky.  I was so sad to read that she had been through the same loss I had, but amazed by the parallel.       

hold a book and couldn't see to read for himself. He could get listening books but there were certain, funny, books that we liked to share so we could fall about laughing together. They would usually be ingenious, darkly comic and just a little bit bad – rather like

The character of Raphael Phoenix is irresistible. A cantankerous old pensioner, living alone in a castle, he decides that 100 years of living is enough. He has a plan and he also has a pill. He has had the pill his whole life since his birthday party with his childhood friend Emily. Emily’s father is a chemist and in his poison cupboard, among the ribbed glass bottles, is an innocuous white pill with a simple nick in one side. It has very particular ingredients that ensure an almost instant and painless death and it is the only thing he wants for his birthday so the pair replace the pill with mint of the very same size, with a nick from the edge to match. Raphael keeps the pill with him through his incredible life either in his pocket, in a gold ring or in more difficult circumstances, sellotaped under his armpit. He trusts his pill and knows that it will deliver the death he wants as he sits in his observatory, with an expensive glass of red wine (over £30 a bottle) watching the millennium fireworks. However, before then he has a story to tell us, several stories in fact, which take us through some of the most important periods of the 20^th Century and he has a very peculiar way of splitting these stories into sections.

I had no idea what to expect and so I was surprised and charmed by this magical piece of work. It manages to be both, earthy and funny, but also incredibly poignant. The only two things he can depend on through his life are the pill and his friend Emily. Emily isn't always by his side, but just manages to be there at the right times and seems to set his various destinies in motion. Raphael works backwards with his tales until the reader is desperate to know how all of these incredible twists and turns are set in motion and also whether his trusty pill will work so he gets the end he has been working so hard towards. I would read this if you enjoy dark humour and tall tales and like your narrators to be, ever so slightly, morally ambiguous. It is darkly enchanting and I fell in love with it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Reading Perfect by Rachel Joyce

I read Rachel Joyce's book Perfect having never come across her writing before. I have had the The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry on the bedside pile for a while but Perfect appealed first, probably because of my mental health background.

I was born in the 1970's with a mum who had clinical and possible post-natal depression. There were long periods where mum was unhappy and found life very difficult. Bringing friends home was a struggle for her during my early childhood and we were aware that she became anxious in social situations. On the other hand mum was unusually imaginative and great fun to be around. She would join in with our games and fantasies entirely often joining in with dressing up, making dens and having make-believe adventures. I sure this experience with mum led to me working in our local mental health team for the past fifteen years and studying psychology. I am now in my final year of counsellor training and practice at my local MS Therapy Centre (I have MS and so did my late husband) as well as helping with mental health drop-in groups in my local town. I empathise enormously with anyone who is having difficulties because of some trauma or bereavement, but also with those people who can't manage 'normal' everyday life. These experiences and interests definitely persuaded me to read this book and I finished it in 24 hours.

Several of the characters in this book are either openly or secretly dealing with mental health problems. In the present day Jim is living in a van and cleaning tables in his local cafe. Jim is lonely and exhausted by the OCD rituals that have governed his life. Jim has had underlying mental ill health most of his life and the need to repeat small rituals 21 times has become his coping mechanism. Back in 1972 we meet Byron who lives in a small town on the edge of a moor. He and his sister, Lucy, go to private school because their father wants them to have the right start in life. All week they live in their big house with their mother in the country and his mum has a brand new Jaguar to drive them to school in the morning. Byron's father works in the city and only comes home on weekends arriving at the train station at the same time every week. Byron's father Seymour likes everything to be done correctly and often telephones home in the week to check on his wife Diana to make sure she is following the schedule and has no visitors. Seymour worries if anything appears to stray from their normal routine of getting up at the same time, dressing, eating, doing housework and then going to bed at 10pm and doing it all over again. Byron is fascinated with an article he has read in the newspaper that explains the how time is out of sync with the movement of the earth and the need to add two seconds to time. Byron constantly checks his watch in case he can capture the moment the two seconds are added. One morning, as they veer slightly from their normal schedule and Byron's watch seems to jump, they are involved in an accident that triggers 'Operation Perfect'. The operation is Byron and his schoolfriend's plan to monitor Diana and her new friend Beverley who is from the lower class Digby Road. Women like Diana did not socialise with women like Beverley and the friendship would never have happened without the accident and those two seconds.

As well as the obvious mental health problems of Jim, there are other characters in the book who struggle with their mental health and there are interesting differences between those who are open about their problems and those who are not. It is plain for all to see that Jim is not 'normal' because he struggles to speak, he lives in a van and he is isolated by his history of being a patient at Besley Hill mental home. How Byron's father, on the other hand, has serious mental health issues because of the way he treats his family but they his problems only appear in secret. His obsession with schedules and perfection impacts heavily on his family. Diana is nervous and completed isolated by his need for control. She is not allowed friends or a job and has to be a perfect middle class wife. Seymour is constantly worrying about what others might think, about whether his wife is seeing the wrong sort of people or whether she might be tempted into an affair. He places so much pressure on Byron expecting him to be a little man who watches his mother and does well at school. Byron must study hard, appear tidy and presentable and have the right sort of friends. Seymour imagines that Byron will be well educated, go to Oxbridge and become a professional. He wants his family to be perfect and they all keep their accident from him because of fear.

Diana is a nervous woman who is constantly vigilant for signs that she is failing her husband's very high standards. When she makes friends with Beverley it is so taboo that she has to remove every trace of her before Seymour comes home at the weekend. She pressures Byron to lie about who has been to the house and where the mysterious blank stubs have come from in the family cheque book. When Diana realises the implications of the accident she begins to come apart at the seams; her schedule falters, she begins to wear different clothes and appears unkempt. The closer Seymour comes to finding out her big mistake she starts to drink and not get out of bed. This causes even more pressure to be placed upon Byron who enlists his friend to help get the family out of this difficult situation without telling his father. His friend draws up 'Operation Perfect' and is on the end of the phone daily taking transcripts of conversations and making diagrams. Byron chooses this friend because he is so particular and seems to know so much about grown-up things. He is the one who talks to Byron about the two-seconds because he is interested in time, but he also likes to wonder about life and what is real; he reads articles on whether the moon landings were fakes and on time simply being a concept. He becomes drawn further and further into Byron's world and worries about Byron's beautiful but very fragile mother.

In the present day Jim is frightened of the bold and loud woman who cooks at the cafe. She is called Eileen and he is fascinated by her flame red hair and loud laugh. Eileen swears a lot, walks up the customer stairs instead of the staff stairs and generally ignores all the rules. When she is fired Jim is sorry he won't see her again but then another chance accident brings her back into his life. Whereas Jim has obvious problems Eileen's issues are hidden by her brazen attitude and loud personality. As he overcomes his fear to get to know her he finds that she is hiding a deep well of sadness that won't go away. Eileen's daughter went missing and never returned several years ago and this loss is very raw. Everyone has the wrong idea about her and Jim starts getting to know this softer side, that is so fragile it is never seen by others. The descriptions of Jim's past in Besley Hill where he suffered electric shock treatment for his breakdown and was abandoned by his family are heartbreaking.

This was an interesting book that was sad but hopeful too. It seems to say that we need to allow ourselves to be open even if we are frightened and hurting. It showed that even the most respectable person from the best family can suffer from mental health problems and how it can be passed from parent to child in many different ways. Seymour is so buttoned up because of the way he was treated by his own father, but instead of being open and asking for help he becomes cold and strict creating anxiety in his own son. I found the detail of how the character's felt very moving and realistic. The inner monologues were beautifully written and I was so attached to the character of Jim, probably because he reminds me of individuals I have worked with. Through Jim the author explores the idea that every person, no matter how different they seem, has the same hopes and dreams for their life as anyone else. It showed how subtle differences like money, class and control over those around you can keep people from seeing you as mentally ill. The very expectations we place upon people in society act as controls and deterrents against appearing different. Byron's school friends has one of the most insightful ideas when he explores the concept of time as a construct. It is good to remember sometimes that time was a concept dreamed up by men and that outside of time and other societal controls we still exist. Diana and Jim probably come closest to being free by understanding that all people are the same and by communing with nature either around the pond or for Jim out on the moor. On the moor concepts like time and schedules become meaningless because the moor is timeless and endless. Jim sits out there and feels the grass, feeling the wind and listening to the sounds of nature and feels more grounded and at one with the world than when he is at home and fenced in by societal expectation and the rituals he has had to create in order to cope with it.

Perfect is a very meaningful book disguised inside easily accessible characters and dialogue. I loved it and I will now be reading The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry before her new novel comes out.