Dear Life by Rachel Clarke

It seems very brave to even write a book about death, because the majority of people seem to be actively trying to avoid any mention of it. Death is the last taboo subject. Rachel tackles this in her writing with grace, compassion and dignity. The book is in three parts, with the first covering her personal life and the reasons that she moved her career from journalism to medicine. The move seemed inevitable, as she was following in the footsteps of her father. As she started specialising in an area of medicine, she surprised herself by becoming drawn to palliative care. The second section covers her thoughts on this branch of medicine - an area that, in my opinion, provides the best medical care, because it focuses on the lived experience of the patient. Clarke describes the usual outlook of the NHS as ‘life at all costs’. I think there is a sort of arrogance in this type of medicine, where some doctors seem to think they have the skills to outrun death. Clarke talks eloquently and empathetically about the fears patients have and how her job is to address and allay those fears as much as possible, to alleviate the pain and suffering. She also includes a very honest portrayal of some of those patients and the range of emotion they go through as they near the end - from denial and anger, through to a certain acceptance for some, All of her training and experience becomes even more important when her father is diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer and the book moves back to the personal.

Clarke understands the luminal space that the long term sick and terminally ill both occupy. That space of the in between. If we are always sick we have to find a way of living regardless, because all of our time can’t be taken up with illness and dying. We still have friends and family, obligations and bills to pay. We need to pass the time. To remember who we are, because we are not this illness; more than this death. As Clarke so succinctly puts it: ‘For the dying are living, like everyone else’. It’s true that I probably appreciate this book so much because I nursed my husband for two years before his death from pneumonia caused by Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. I also have MS so understand how it feels to have a condition that limits my life, rather than being terminal. No matter how much experience Clarke has, she does find that the picture changes when it is someone you love who is losing their life. It’s impossible to retain that clinical distance and any sense of control is taken away. It turns out that nothing can mitigate the pain of personal loss. Beautifully written, moving and breathtakingly honest. 

Tony’s Wife by Adriana Trigiani

Once a week, throughout this year, I’ve decided to review a book that people may have missed. I can’t be the only one who has a list of books they want, just in case they come across a charity shop or second hand bookshop. So I thought, instead of always reviewing brand new books I would write about a charity shop find of my own here and there. Not everyone can afford brand new hardbacks and while I’m very lucky to get a certain number of review copies, it must be nice to see a book in paperback that’s not going to break the bank.

My first second hand review is a paperback copy of Adriana Trigiani’s Tony’s Wife. I find Trigiani’s books like having a duvet day. They’re always warm, comforting and full of vivid descriptions of Italian food, fashion and period detail. They never fail to make me smile. Her female characters are always resilient and passionate. Often they’re fighting to make their own way in the world and move away from traditional roles for Italian women. Chi Chi Donatelli is no different. We meet her in the 1930s, living on the Jersey Shore with her parents and two sisters. By day the girls work at the Jersey Miss factory, stitching blouses and dresses by piece work and forming those friendships within the factory’s women. Trigiani observes that traditionally, these are the women who give you a sash and have a whip round when you’re a bride to be, who help out with your child’s First Communion dress and support you in widowhood. However, Chi Chi wants more than this. She has an ambition. She wants to be paid to sing and write songs. Already blessed with talent, Chi Chi and her sisters are the Donatelli Sisters, but small town fame and singing at mass are not enough for her. Her father sees her talent and shares her dream. He builds a recording studio behind the house and ferries Chi Chi to gigs  and slips DJs a few dollars to play her records.

Saverio Amondonada meets Chi Chi when she’s surrounded by family and he’s become Tony Arma, the singer touring the US with a big band. All the time he was working the line at the Ford factory in Detroit alongside his father, Saverio dreamed of becoming a singer. He wanted to use his voice for more than the Church choir. When he’s approached by an agent all his dreams start to come true. His mum is supportive, but his father is deeply insulted by his son’s need for more. The Ford line was enough for Leone. His family were so poor that his dreams had been different; the ability to work hard and  support his wife and family was enough. In Leone’s eyes, Saverio’s need for fame belittles the hard work and sacrifices that brought him up. One Christmas Eve matters come to a head. Saverio’s hopes are dashed when Cheryl Dombroski announces her engagement to the choir before Midnight Mass. She was Saverio’s friend, but for a long time he has hoped for more, waiting for the right time to tell her. Clutching the gold chain he has bought her, Saverio opens his heart, but has his hopes dashed when Cheryl flashes her engagement ring. His heartbroken performance that night draws an agents attention and it comes at the right moment. Later, back at home, an argument with his father escalates and Leone tells him to leave if the family home is no longer enough for him. The worst insult comes when Saverio changes to his stage name and, according to Leone, turns his back on his family history.

Tony Arma and Chi Chi Donatelli spark off each other. Chi Chi’s fatber convinces them to record one of her songs, entitled ‘Mama’s Rolling Pin’. They then spend time trying to get the record played on the radio. Then tragedy strikes. Chi Chi’s father has a heart attack and dies. His sudden death is devastating for the whole family, but particularly for Chi Chi who has lost the person who believes in her, and her dreams of a singing career the most. She comes back down to earth in a bump when the sisters find how much money he owed. His belief that Chi Chi had the talent to hit the big time led him to remortgage the family home in order to build the studio and kit it out with the best recording equipment. The debt must be renegotiated by the sisters and the bank’s deal would leave them destitute. In order to keep the roof over her mother’s head Chi Chi gives all of her savings, renegotiates with the bank and auditions to be the girl singer with Tony’s band. However, his agent offers her a better role, composing songs and playing piano. Slowly, their record has been gaining momentum too and they are asked to perform the single wherever they go. Chi Chi sees that Tony’s lifestyle involves lots of women, who fall in love with him only to be heartbroken when he moves to the next one. The band gets through girl singers at an alarming rate. ChiChi resolves to be Tony’s friend, and nothing more. He trusts her and she soon becomes his confidante and provider of a good home cooked meal on the road. War is looming though and lives are going to change forever. What will war do to their careers and their friendship?

I found this book very charming and easy to read in big chunks. I loved Trigiani’s descriptions: the handmade Christmas decorations of the Saverio family, Chi Chi’s gowns and all the period fashion, the Italian recipes and wedding traditions. This is a novel about a lifelong friendship that somehow endures, despite disappointment, distance and broken promises. It is about family, both the ones we’re born into and those we create ourselves. How do we honour years of sacrifice and tradition without losing our own hopes and dreams? It’s about generation gaps and how we bridge them. It is about regrets and whether, over a lifetime, we regret more the things we have done or those opportunities we didn’t take. It’s about fidelity, both in a romantic sense but also to our faith, our culture and our family. As always, Trigiani’s lightness of touch means that these big themes never become laboured. There is so much fun to be had here, despite the pain. Chi Chi is an incredibly strong character, who isn’t just a creative artist but a great businesswoman. She grabs opportunities to purchase real estate in Manhattan, and makes her money work for her. She works hard and provides for her family. In this sense she is a very modern woman who doesn’t rely on a man to look after her. She’s an easy character to love and spend time with. I found Saverio more difficult to understand and veered between concern and anger at some of his behaviour. They approach life differently but together their banter, their talent and their friendship creates an engaging story that I savoured as long as I could while being simultaneously desperate to find out what happens next,

Nine Elms by Robert Bryndza 9th January

I really enjoyed this book. From the shock beginning, I was hooked by Kate and her terrible realisation that the murderer she is seeking is right under her nose. The so called ‘Nine Elms Murderer’ is named after the place he dumped the first girl he raped and killed, but there are many more. Kate and her boss Peter are secretly having an affair while desperately trying to find this murderer before he kills again. The murderer ties up his victims with a distinctive ‘monkey knot’. It’s on Kate’s mind this particular night as she closes the door on her boss and settles in at home. Then she notices she still has his keys and there, on his keyring, is a very distinctive little knot. While her mind is racing there is a knock on the door and she has to decide whether to let him in. 

I bought into Kate’s world immediately. We meet her as she’s immersed in the horror of a terrible murder case, and now has to face whether she has been sleeping with the man capable of this violence. When the story moves to the present day, that old case is still very much part of her personal life. She credits her new job working in the Criminology department of a university with saving her life and she certainly seems to have control over her demons. Although she is apart from those she cares about, her job and the home that comes with it overlooking the sea, have brought peace into her life. She is two years sober and lives next door to her sponsor. However, will she be able to stay on an even keel when another case comes her way? 

Kate is pulled back into the Nine Elms case when a copycat starts to emerge. I really enjoyed getting into the case with Kate and her assistant. I did find it strange that a university lecturer would get the access to crime scenes that she does, but this is a minor quibble and easy to set aside when you’re hooked. She is dogged at finding evidence and very observant for those tiny clues that crack a case. I was interested in her personal struggles too, especially around her son and her concerns about his future. The crime scenes were gory but fascinating and I enjoyed getting into the psychology of both Nine Elms murderers, particularly Peter’s odd relationship with his mother. I had already enjoyed the author’s Erika Foster novels and I was glad that this is the first in a series. I look forward to seeing where Kate goes next. 

Mix Tape by Jane Sanderson

I love this book. Is it because I had a Dan? A musician who started as my best friend and who I fell in love with. I was 18 and he took me to my first prom. His band were playing and it was 1991 so perms were everywhere and we were just adopting grunge. I would turn up for school in jumble sale floral dresses with my ever present oxblood Doc Martens. They played some of my favourite songs that night: some that were contemporary like Blur and others were classics like Wild Thing. I most remember Waterloo Sunset. Then, like a scene in a rom-com we walked across town to his house - me in a polka dot Laura Ashley ball gown and him in his dinner suit with the bow tie undone. He had a ruffled shirt underneath that he’d bought from Oxfam. We crept into the house and into the playroom so we didn’t wake anyone, then watched When Harry Met Sally. I remember a single kiss and then we fell asleep but the love carried over the years.

When I think of Elliot I always think of those best friend couples, like Harry and Sally or later, Emma and Dex in One Day. Now I can add Dan and Ali to the list. Alison and Dan live in Sheffield in the late 1970s when the city was still a thriving steel manufacturer. Dan is from the more family friendly Nether Edge, while Alison is from the rougher Attercliffe area, in the shadow of a steel factory. They meet while still at school and Dan is transfixed with her dark hair, her edge and her love of music. Their relationship is based on music and Dan makes mix tapes for her to listen to when they’re not together such as ‘The Last Best Two’ - the last two tracks from a series of albums. What he doesn’t know is how much Alison needs that music. To be able to put it on as a wall of sound between her and her family. Dan never sees where she lives and doesn’t push her, he only knows she prefers his home whether she’s doing her homework at the kitchen table, getting her nails painted by his sister or sitting with his Dad in the pigeon loft. Catherine, Alison’s mum, is a drinker. Not even a functioning alcoholic, she comes home battered and dirty with no care for who she lets into their home. Alison’s brother, Pete, is her only consolation and protection at home. Both call their mum by her first name and try to avoid her whenever possible. Even worse is her on-off lover Martin Baxter, who has a threatening manner and his own key. Alison could never let Dan know how they have to live.

In alternate chapters we see what Alison and Dan are doing in the present. Now a music writer, Dan splits his time between a canal boat in London and home with his partner Katelin in Edinburgh. Alison has written a new novel ‘Tell the Story Sing the Song’ set in her adopted home Australia and based round an indigenous singer. It’s a worldwide hit and she finds herself in demand, having to negotiate being interviewed and getting to grips with social media. She has an affluent lifestyle with husband Michael and has two grown up daughters. She has a Twitter account that she’s terrible at using and it’s this that alerts Dan, what could be the harm in following her? The secret at the heart of this book is what happened so long ago back in Sheffield to send a girl to the other side of the world? Especially when she has found her soulmate. She and Dan are meant to be together so what could have driven them apart? Dan sends her a link via Twitter, to Elvis Costelloe’s ‘Pump It Up’, the song she was dancing to at a party when he fell in love with her. How will Alison reply and will Dan ever discover why he lost her back in the 1970s?

I believed in these characters immediately, and I know Sheffield, described with affectionate detail by the writer. The accent, the warmth of people like Dan’s dad, the landmarks and the troubled manufacturing industry are so familiar and captured perfectly. Even the secondary characters, like the couple’s families and friends are well drawn and endearing. Cass over in Australia, as well as Sheila and Dora, are great characters. Equally, Dan’s Edinburgh friend Duncan with

his record shop and the hippy couple on the barge next door in London are real and engaging. Special mention also to his god McCullough who I was desperate to cuddle. Both characters have great lives and happy relationships. Dan loves Katelin, in fact her only fault is that she isn’t Alison. Alison has been enveloped by Michael’s huge family and their housekeeper Beatriz who is like a surrogate Mum. It’s easy to see why the safety and security of Michael’s family, their money and lifestyle have appealed to a young Alison, still running away from her dysfunctional upbringing. She clearly wants different fir her daughters and wishes them the sort of complacency Dan shows in being sure his parents are always there where he left them. But is the odd dinner party and most nights sat side by side watching TV enough for her? She also has Sheila, an old friend of Catherine’s, who emigrated in the 1970s and flourished in Australia. Now married to Dora who drives a steam train, they are again like surrogate parents to Alison. So much anchors her in Australia, but are these ties stronger than first love and the sense of belonging she had with Dan all those years before?

About three quarters of the way through the book I started to read gingerly, almost as if it was a bomb that might go off. I’ve never got over the loss of Emma in One Day and I was scared. What if these two soulmates didn’t end up together? Or worse what if one of them is killed off by author before a happy ending is reached? I won’t ruin it by telling any more of the story. The tension and trauma of Alison’s family life is terrible and I dreaded finding out what had driven her away so dramatically. I think her shame about her mother is so sad, because the support was there for her and she wouldn’t let anyone help. She’s so fragile and on edge that Dan’s mum has reservations, she worries about her youngest son and whether Alison will break his heart. I love the music that goes back and forth between the pair, the meaning in the lyrics and how they choose them. This book is warm, moving and real. I loved it.

And what of my Daniel? Well he’s in Sheffield strangely enough. Happily partnered with three beautiful kids. I’m also happily partnered with two lovely stepdaughters. We’re very happy where we are and with our other halves. It’s nice though, just now and again, to catch up and remember the seventeen year old I was. Laid on his bedroom door, with my head in his lap listening to his latest find on vinyl. Or wandering the streets in my ballgown, high heels in one hand and him with his guitar case. Happy memories that will always make me smile.

The First Time I Saw You by Emma Cooper

Reading this novel was a real journey - from the first few chapters where I wasn’t sure I’d enjoy it at all, via the point where I sat up and took notice, to the last 100 pages where I was racing along desperate to know what would happen for Sam and Sophie. At university we were told that in English Literature, love stories are littered by obstacles to overcome, and Emma Cooper has taken that to the extreme in this novel. This is a modern love story, but the obstacles would be at home in Shakespeare. There were points where I found myself shouting out loud with frustration: ‘for the love of God would you both just speak to each other!’

Sophie is a businesswoman who find flaws in company finances, in order to take over. She is an accountant and find solace in numbers. She can trust what they’re going to do. Everything about Sophie is carefully done, from the way she does her job to her very constructed appearance. Appearances and perception are at the heart of this novel. Her look is like armour and we get the sense that Sophie is always prepared for a fight. As the book opens she is in Washington DC, for an appointment with a company she has been auditing. She has found a way for the company to make more money and be more accurate with targeted advertising. Her chapters are interspersed with those from Samuel’s point of view.

Samuel is a hearty Irishman living and working in DC. He loves rugby, show tunes and his family back home. It was easier for me to like Samuel at first as he’s more open and we get to know what’s under that handsome, freckled, surface. I struggled with Sophie as she seemed closed off. They meet in the street at a cafe, where Samuel is drawn towards Sophie’s beauty. They agree to a date, then a midnight picnic, where Sam proposes that Sophie stick around for another week and stay with him. Sophie compromises, promising to stay in the hotel but accepting that he will be her guide around the city. This is a big step for Sophie, she trusts Sam despite herself. One evening, Sam talks about his work where there is a new piece of software that could improve their profits. As he enthuses, Sophie is horrified. Will anyone believe they have come up with the same idea at the same time? Or will she lose her job? For Sophie her job is her reality and more tangible than this fairy tale she has entered with Sam. Reluctantly, she leaves and chooses her job.


 Ironically though, this lifeline she seems to need so desperately, is taken away from her. Heartbroken and confused, Sam also retreats to work. A few months later, Sophie returns to deliver the news that her company will be acquiring Sam’s. Sophie is nervous, knowing Sam will be in the room. She puts on her professional persona and powers through. Yet, she can’t leave without reconnecting. She turns up unannounced and spends the night. Next morning she hears Sam on the phone to work, selling her out. He does this with a heavy heart, but with the certainty she has done the same to him. He chooses his career, only to be told that he is suspended, pending an investigation, over his relationship and whether he passed on company secrets. Sophie flees again. Sam is angry, but determined to find Sophie. He can’t believe she would use him, just to gain information, then leave without even a word.  At home he starts his search from tiny clues, but is search is about to be cruelly cut short and his life will change forever.

The story continues and the misunderstandings mount up as both of their lives change beyond recognition. It was this point where I suddenly sat up and took notice. There is so much more to Sophie than first meets the eye. Slowly we start to understand her background and her need for armour. Sometimes, we need to return to the past in order to heal and move forward. I started to warm to her character. We also meet Sam’s family, and they are brilliantly written. Sam’s Da makes me laugh out loud. His Ma’s tough love is comical, but also necessary to get Sam on the right path. I love the way they support him. Similarly, we meet Sophie’s family and the writer’s depiction of how our past shapes our future is psychologically astute. I found the writer’s understanding of the psychology surrounding acquired disability very well researched too. The constant question is whether Sam and Sophie will find the happy ending we expect in a love story, or whether they have a different ending without each other. I found this book heartbreaking and frustrating, but also romantic, warm, funny and ultimately uplifting.

Thank you to Ann Cater and  Headline Review for the chance to take part in this blog tour and thanks to author Emma Cooper for an interesting and uplifting read.

Make Do and Mend a Broken Heart by Katey Lovell

Leanne and Richard are making big changes in their lives. It has always been Leanne’s dream to live by the sea and they have found a perfect house for their forever home. Perfect in terms of location, but absolutely dilapidated inside. However, this is their forever home and they’re both committed to doing the house up together, so they put in an offer and sell their London flat. Tragically, Richard dies only weeks later in an accident on the underground and Leanne is devastated. When she lifts her head out of the fog of grief it is too late to stop the sale of the flat and Leanne makes a big choice to leave her family and job behind and follow her lifelong dream of living on the coast. 

Her first experiences are not promising, The work on the house, which seemed manageable with two of them, now seems overwhelming, especially when the rotting door frame means she can’t even lock the back door. Added to this she meets a terribly grumpy man at the hardware store who isn’t helpful. She feels so alone. However, she’s about to find out that this town is very special. This is where I had to suspend my cynicism and just go with it. This is almost a magical town. However, when you do go with it, the book is rewarding and puts a big smile on your face.

I felt for Leanne. I’ve been a young widow and it’s not just missing the person, it’s the loss of all you had planned together. There were parts of Leanne’s journey that rang very true to me. The difficult in sharing grief with others, the fog she finds herself in at times and particularly the guilt of moving on. I loved the relationship with her in-laws- she struggles to spend time with them initially and seems to really fear their disapproval of how she’s coping. I love how warm and generous they are where she least expects it. Despite having friends and a good relationship with Richard, Leanne is genuinely blown away by people being kind to her. I love the idea behind the changes Leanne makes to herself and to her home. Even though she finishes the cottage it isn’t perfect - it’s done with hard work and still has the unfashionable coloured bathroom suites for now. The renovation of the cottage is a metaphor for Leanne’s emotional recovery - her love for Richard and sadness at his loss will always remain - but other parts of her evolve and change. There is room for her to grow and find new wonderful experiences. To carry on living.

Three Hours by Rosamund Lupton 9th Jan

Wow! I sat and read this book in two days straight because I had to know what happened to everyone. It was gripping, relevant and political.

In the space of three hours a remote school is thrown into panic and terror. A homemade lunchbox bomb is found in the woods by one of the pupils. It might have been dismissed as a prank by most kids, but Rafi Bukhari escaped Syria with his little brother Basi, and he takes it very seriously. In a matter of half an hour the first police officer on scene is shot at and the site is under siege, In the Old School Rafi’s girlfriend Hannah is with a group in the library caring for their wounded headmaster. Pottery teacher Camille is stranded in the studio with only a few rows of clay tiles and some glass between a class of seven year olds and an automatic weapon. Further back, a group are rehearsing Macbeth in the woodland theatre and the junior school is being evacuated down to the beach. Rafi settles his brother with the teacher, they both have PTSD and he vowed not to leave him, but at least Basi is safe and he needs to get to Hannah. Basi has ideas of his own though.

I really enjoyed the varied perspectives of this novel from the kids, teachers, police, and even the parents of  the shooters. Beth Alton’s train of thought is brilliant, from assurances that her Jamie could not possibly be responsible to the thought that he’s already dead to her, from the minute he picked up the gun. The investigation and drip feed of new information is very well done and it’s obvious the author has researched well. The flashbacks of the Syrian boys are equally well placed and effective. I found the allusions to the kid’s performance of Macbeth great at first - the idea of using Syria as a backdrop and the witches as balaclava clad terrorists is clever. However, I do feel it was carried too far and that it became clunky and difficult to believe. This is where I had some disappointment with the ending, which I won’t spoil, but suffice to say it felt more fantastical than realistic. In the main this was a great thriller that kept the reader hooked and didn’t let go till the very end.