The First Time I Saw You by Emma Cooper

Reading this novel was a real journey - from the first few chapters where I wasn’t sure I’d enjoy it at all, via the point where I sat up and took notice, to the last 100 pages where I was racing along desperate to know what would happen for Sam and Sophie. At university we were told that in English Literature, love stories are littered by obstacles to overcome, and Emma Cooper has taken that to the extreme in this novel. This is a modern love story, but the obstacles would be at home in Shakespeare. There were points where I found myself shouting out loud with frustration: ‘for the love of God would you both just speak to each other!’

Sophie is a businesswoman who find flaws in company finances, in order to take over. She is an accountant and find solace in numbers. She can trust what they’re going to do. Everything about Sophie is carefully done, from the way she does her job to her very constructed appearance. Appearances and perception are at the heart of this novel. Her look is like armour and we get the sense that Sophie is always prepared for a fight. As the book opens she is in Washington DC, for an appointment with a company she has been auditing. She has found a way for the company to make more money and be more accurate with targeted advertising. Her chapters are interspersed with those from Samuel’s point of view.

Samuel is a hearty Irishman living and working in DC. He loves rugby, show tunes and his family back home. It was easier for me to like Samuel at first as he’s more open and we get to know what’s under that handsome, freckled, surface. I struggled with Sophie as she seemed closed off. They meet in the street at a cafe, where Samuel is drawn towards Sophie’s beauty. They agree to a date, then a midnight picnic, where Sam proposes that Sophie stick around for another week and stay with him. Sophie compromises, promising to stay in the hotel but accepting that he will be her guide around the city. This is a big step for Sophie, she trusts Sam despite herself. One evening, Sam talks about his work where there is a new piece of software that could improve their profits. As he enthuses, Sophie is horrified. Will anyone believe they have come up with the same idea at the same time? Or will she lose her job? For Sophie her job is her reality and more tangible than this fairy tale she has entered with Sam. Reluctantly, she leaves and chooses her job.


 Ironically though, this lifeline she seems to need so desperately, is taken away from her. Heartbroken and confused, Sam also retreats to work. A few months later, Sophie returns to deliver the news that her company will be acquiring Sam’s. Sophie is nervous, knowing Sam will be in the room. She puts on her professional persona and powers through. Yet, she can’t leave without reconnecting. She turns up unannounced and spends the night. Next morning she hears Sam on the phone to work, selling her out. He does this with a heavy heart, but with the certainty she has done the same to him. He chooses his career, only to be told that he is suspended, pending an investigation, over his relationship and whether he passed on company secrets. Sophie flees again. Sam is angry, but determined to find Sophie. He can’t believe she would use him, just to gain information, then leave without even a word.  At home he starts his search from tiny clues, but is search is about to be cruelly cut short and his life will change forever.

The story continues and the misunderstandings mount up as both of their lives change beyond recognition. It was this point where I suddenly sat up and took notice. There is so much more to Sophie than first meets the eye. Slowly we start to understand her background and her need for armour. Sometimes, we need to return to the past in order to heal and move forward. I started to warm to her character. We also meet Sam’s family, and they are brilliantly written. Sam’s Da makes me laugh out loud. His Ma’s tough love is comical, but also necessary to get Sam on the right path. I love the way they support him. Similarly, we meet Sophie’s family and the writer’s depiction of how our past shapes our future is psychologically astute. I found the writer’s understanding of the psychology surrounding acquired disability very well researched too. The constant question is whether Sam and Sophie will find the happy ending we expect in a love story, or whether they have a different ending without each other. I found this book heartbreaking and frustrating, but also romantic, warm, funny and ultimately uplifting.

Thank you to Ann Cater and  Headline Review for the chance to take part in this blog tour and thanks to author Emma Cooper for an interesting and uplifting read.