Patel's memoir starts with her father's terminal illness and this thread runs throughout as she shares with the reader her own life growing up to be a young British Muslim woman. She cleverly anchors the book with tenets of her faith that I found both informative and inspirational. She grows up in the wake of her parent's emigration from India and their resilience when reality hit that life in Britain was not as they expected. The author's raw honesty as she describes the domestic violence she and her siblings witnessed is breathtaking. They become attuned to the moods of their father who is disappointed with what Britain has to offer him. He struggles with the responsibilities placed upon him by the wider family back home who believe that everyone in Britain has money. This pressure intensifies as his own family grows and his escape is gambling. Patel describes poker nights at their home, where there is smoking, drinking and her father losing housekeeping money which only exacerbates their problems. All of this destructive behaviour is not only against his faith, but makes the family's money worries so much worse. They are in a vicious circle, culminating in outbursts of verbal abuse, damaging property and eventually physical violence. The children can sense what is coming and try to divert their father, or take their mother out of his sight line to prevent attacks. The sense of walking on eggshells comes across strongly, as does the sibling's heightened awareness of both their father and their mother's seeming inability to know when trouble is brewing. I strongly felt the sense of isolation; that they cannot tell anyone what is going on, but try to cope with it alone.
Despite, or perhaps because of this difficult family experience Patel's maturity and humanity shine through on every page of this memoir. She recognises that for some people this might be the first time they get to see the world through the eyes of a British Muslim and her explanations of certain customs or rituals are always engaging and often informative, helped by excerpts from The Koran. Her faith sustains her throughout her life, perhaps because it is constant and therefore provides a contentment not present in her earlier life. The compassionate way she is able to love and forgive is highly inspirational to me. She writes that in Islam it is not permitted to expose a fellow Muslim's sin and that she had to reflect deeply upon her feelings for her father. The soul searching exposes a dilemma between wanting to remain true to her faith and respect the man she knows is dying. However, there is also a personal spiritual need emerging, that of catharsis and truth. Patel decides to portray her childhood truthfully with bravery and with a spiritual honesty that is heart rending.I thoroughly enjoyed the section where Patel starts the process of looking for a husband; an introduction is made and she has the option to agree to a courtship or not. The description of the tiny bedroom where potential suitors are sent up to be 'vetted' is comical. Patel clarifies the process of 'arranged marriage' showing that she has the power all along and also the importance of looking for compatibility in a life partner as well as that spark of attraction. I was also fascinated by the description of their eventual pilgrimage to Mecca where both their spiritual and physical strength is tested to the limit.
I took so much away from this book: a new understanding of Islam and the clarification of traditional customs that I thought I knew about; an incredible example of love and loyalty within a family despite the pain and hurt caused over the years; but most of all an impression of a young woman with a quiet strength - comfortable and content with herself and her choices, as well as the enduring faith which sustains her. I felt honoured to share such an intimate and honest journey of self-reflection.
