Irritating Characters in Novels

The first character that comes to mind when I think of being irritated is obviously Mr Collins from Pride and Prejudice. Is there any woman alive who doesn't pity poor Charlotte Lucas who seems to think that her only marriage choice is to take his proposal? We celebrate when Lizzie Bennet refuses him and then to hear that Charlotte has accepted him only 24 hours later is so sad. When we imagine her choices it is a very pragmatic and realistic choice for her, but all I can imagine is being suffocated in a small cottage with him fussing and being ridiculous. The thought of running around to please Lady Catherine De Bourgh and also listening to him sucking up is awful. When Lizzie visits later in the novel, we learn that Charlotte has found a way of living with him by encouraging him to garden and having her own parlour. I would need my own house and would encourage a different hobby – maybe something risky and reckless? I imagine him as a small, stuffy man with slightly greasy hair and a very picky manner. I see him at the table picking with food and reminding me of the scripture at every opportunity. I would commit murder if I had to live with him.

Another irritating character, but in an entirely different way, is the saintly cousin Helen in What Katy Did. I seem to have been brought up with girl’s fiction that involved a character’s period of illness. Of course it is always an illness that teaches something especially for young ladies. Pollyanna has a fall and learns she cannot walk and has to find the meaning in such an awful disability. She has always played ‘The Glad Game’, taught to her by her missionary parents where she has to find the good in every situation. Now she finds it very difficult to understand the lesson in her accident. Similarly Katy has an accident on the garden swing and is unable to walk. She is a very active tomboy of a girl and finds her immobility very difficult. Luckily she has the example of her saintly Cousin Helen. Helen has an illness that means she cannot walk and she has become this ridiculously perfect, religious, patient woman that Katy should be. Helen has found meaning in her illness and uses it to counsel others and be a saintly figure for other young women. She teaches Katy to become a young woman rather than the tomboy she was. Katy’s illness and Helen’s help allow her to be the replacement for her dead mother. Katy becomes a housekeeper and helps her father with the household and the younger children. Helen shows Katy what she should be a quiet, restrained and modest woman rather than the wild tomboy she was. I find this part of the book infuriating. I want to take Helen to the top of a steep hill and let go of her wheelchair. I would like Katy to recover and be the same girl she was, not some facsimile of a saintly walking cliché. It makes me even angrier now that I have my own disability. I want Cousin Helen to drop the odd swear word and be honest about her experience!

Last year I had the most peculiar experience of reading a novel where I hated every single character! I read The Slap for my book group and as it started and worked its way through the different characters points of view I was waiting for someone I could identify or agree with. The book went on and just when I thought I might be getting along with someone they did something that changed my mind. I have never had this reading experience before but I guess it is an honest and realistic way of looking at life. We all have flaws and this novel was consistent with that. There was no one person who stood out as a hero or heroine. I loved the story telling and the moral issue kept all of the reading group talking for hours, but every single character was either irritating or downright hateful!